Monday, September 22, 2014

Musing on Monday - Loving and Losing

The Mom is part of a dog group on facebook that has over 7000 members  each person having between 1 - 7 dogs each (many are breeders and have a few dogs) so there is hardly a day goes by when a doggies doesn't cross the rainbow bridge. The support, love and understanding of losing a furbaby is as strong as it is here is blogville. But it got me to pondering over grief  and the way in which peoples deal with it.

Firstly  - There is no right or wrong way to grieve, nor is there any time limit on it. The amount of it differs hugely from person to person. It is sometimes hard to understand why people grieve so much or so little but it is not for us to is just for us to be there for them. People each grieve differently and THEY are the only one who knows what it feels like for them.

Now our Mom has had a variety of creatures sharing her life ever since she was 5 years old with us doggies always being her favorite. Mom has her own philosophy about furbabies though - see she has loved us all equally BUT she has loved each and every one us in a different way and for different reasons. It makes her sad when people say they will never find another dog like the one they had....or spend time looking for one just like they had because it will never happen. Just as no two people are alike, no two doggies are either, so much depends on genetics, the environment they are raised in, how they were handled and the other dogs or people they interacted with.

We dogs have an amazing capacity to love and we live in the moment rather than remembering the past. Humans too have an amazing capacity to love but they do let memories stand in the way of opening their hearts again and fear having to deal with hurt again but feelings are the very thing that make us feel alive and without them - we are numb.  It is hard to try again and only each individual person will know when it is right for them to try again or if it ever is......BUT I also ponder over  how many times have we all heard people saying  "oh I wish I had done this sooner" or 'why did I wait"  or "I don't know what I was waiting for"

Love is one of the things that grows over time and getting a new furbaby in your life doesn't mean you are going to to forget the last furbaby or love the new one 100% from the moment you get you. You have to give yourself time to get to know it's personality, quirks, habits etc and YES it will be different from your last fubaby BUT you just have to give yourself  the chance to love it in different ways and for different reasons so that love can grow and fill your heart once again.


  1. That's a really interesting comment, that we let memories stand in the way of opening our hearts again. That is a really great essay, I agree with everything you said. I love my sable and bi-black Shelties and have always had at least one of each but I never was looking to replace the one I lost. Each is unique and uniquely loved.

  2. Each person is different and sometimes our hearts feel too broken to start again. Have a marvellous Monday.
    Best wishes Molly

  3. Thank you for this post. You are right when you say each of us, find our way back to opening our heart in our own time.
    stella rose's momma

  4. Very well said. That is the only reason we are afraid of Blogville. We get so said when some buddy goes away
    Lily & Edward

  5. Excellent post my friend - awesome as ya'll are! XOXO - Bacon

  6. Mom says each furbaby comes in out lives for different reasons at different times. I think this is true, although I don't understand why cats come in. BOL ;)

  7. This goes with people also. You have to open your heart to let furbabies in and also to let other people in.
    Thank YOu for your warm thoughts.

  8. This is a BEAUTIFULLY Written and Heartfelt Post... THANK YOU. We have all been there... and deal with it in our own way... and that does not make it the BEST or Only way... just OUR way...

  9. It happened here exactly the way you described. As I came it was like opening a new chapter of the book named life. Although my mom never believed that it is possible...

  10. That's a wonderful post. Just as we are grieving about the loss of our Lacci, your post helps. Thank you.

  11. What a lovely post. Totally agree that we each grieve in our own way. I've always made the decision to add a dog rather quickly when I've lost one. I adopt from shelters/rescues and always feel that my angels want me to spread the love.

  12. I feel like you could have written this post just for me. when we said goodbye to CharShu in 2009, it took 2 1/2 years to get another, we concentrated on Bailey & Hazel then. Greta was so different than any pug we have ever had and you are right - she was such a hand full I did not know if she was right for me at first, but she loved me with all her heart and I could not help but love her back and now I feel so lost without her. I know there will be another - when the time is right
    Bailey & Hazel too

  13. What a very thoughtful post. Thank you. It's hard to predict exactly how we will react to a loss, even if we think we know ourselves quite well. As my old Westie Hamish was approaching the end of his life, I imagined that I might not get another dog, so fond was I of the dear old chap. Within, I would say, less than 48 hours of losing him, I was wandering round our local park, feeling totally lost without a dog by my side, and desperately engaging other dog owners in conversation and thinking hard about exactly what dog would have next.
    PS Thank you for your kind comment about Bertie. Both he and I are on mend. I took him for a short walk down the street this morning and we encountered a black lab. To my relief, Bertie showed no fear, behaving just as usual.
    PPS I am thrilled that Scotland is still part of the UK.

  14. Well said. Every pup leaves a hole when it leaves its peeps. Just as every new pup puts its own pawprints on the peeps' hearts.

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

  15. FABulous postie! It is so true abouts how, and for how long it takes to let another furkid into your life after a loss. I can even change through your life too. Sometimes you don't want another for a loooong time, and other times you just have to get another furkid in your life right away. There is no right or wrong answer.
    Ruby ♥

  16. like my vet said after my cat passed and I was feeling guilty about adopting Cody "you aren't REPLACING, you are making NEW memories with a NEW cat"

  17. So true. We know people who will NEVER have another pet because it's so sad when they go to the bridge. SHE is like your mum, has had lots of wonderful pets, grieves when they're gone, has another join the add new personalities and remembers all the other wonderful pups who came before.

  18. I find the best way to cope with the pain of losing a pet is to add a new fur baby to my life as soon as possible. But that is me, and I understand not everyone can do that. I agree, grief is so different for everyone.

    I read something on facebook the other day:

    "If you are depressed, you're living in the past.

    If you're anxious you're living in the future.

    If you're at peace, you're living in the present."

    Fits well with what you so lovingly wrote today.

  19. Wise words Denny thank you. Being part of a pack at the park we notice how others handle losing their pets, and to us its like we lost one of our own. Love Dolly

  20. Lee probably would not have gotten another Scot, but a friend bought me and gave me to her. Yep that is my story. Getting older with health issues and having a pet Lee wonders what will happen to me if something happens to her for we have no family.
    Thanks for being a friend
    Sweet William The Scot

  21. Very meaningful thoughts. And they can be applied to both pets and humans. Loss is hard but love really can heal a broken heart.

    Woos - Phantom, Ciara, and Lightning and mom

  22. One of the most wonderful posts I have read!!! So very, very true!!

  23. We agree with you - as always you have such a wonderful way with words. The pup before Daisy, Piper, was fine one day and not so fine the next. The thought of a house without Piper was unbearable. I laid next to her all night and then I did a little search for Scottie puppies. I felt like I was betraying Piper even considering another dog. Daisy arrived 6 weeks after Piper left. It was perfect timing for me. I have learned every bridge crossing is different.
    Carrie and Daisy

  24. You are absolutely correct, Reilly! Great post, buddy!

    Love ya lots♥
    Mitch and Molly

  25. You are so right that everyone grieves differently. Wonderful post. Mom can't imagine not having at least one dog, which is why she has had at least two for years. When she lost her last dog to cancer, my sister Katie and her grieved together. There were days she wished she didn't have Katie because she just wanted to be sad about losing Trine, but for her, having a dog at her side is the best medicine.

  26. This is a very thoughtful post that clearly touched a nerve with a lot of us. Since losing Bailey I have thought 'never again'. The pain of loss is so very hard. I would say that with both my human and my canine losses what has made it harder at the time is the unexpected. Not that I would want any pet or human to be ill and suffer but from a personal point of view it seems to be harder for me. Just a personal view and as you rightly say we are all different. xx

  27. Yes, they are all different and Dad will say he has loved his collies all a little differently. Dad will say Essex was the most in tune with him and like him, Deacon the favorite of most hoomans and a definite prankster, I'm the most in tune with other dogs and the number one face licker. He has been happy to have all of us in his life.

    As Dad would say, "The only thing worst than loosing a dog is not having one in his life."

    Sherman & Dog Dad


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